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On a rollercoaster tour of its breezy clifftops, drinking in the peace and the sea views, I find myself commenting feebly on how lucky Kiwis are to have all this fresh air and stirring countryside to play in. For foodies, and the wamt greedy, trails lead down roads lined with orchards wat fields of melons and strawberries — this is where your supermarket apples may well have come from. Wine-lovers can explore a region best known for its premium reds — the finest I tasted was at Craggy Range, a shamelessly ambitious, family-run ego-trip beside Te Mata Peak. By contrast, at the small Clearview Estate on the coast near Te Awanga, the atmosphere is engagingly hippy-go-lucky, with the emphasis on "experimenting and having fun".

Its self-taught owner, Tim Turvey, set up in and has watched Hawke's Bay fill to the brim with boutique wineries. As everyone sits in the sunshine sipping their delightfully crisp Sauvignon plonk and nibbling on tasting plates loaded with artisan breads, pumpkin hummus and Te Mata cheeses, I can't help thinking what a shame it is that New Zealand is so bloomin' far away.

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Why can't it be just down a bit from Brighton, rather than requiring so much of us in terms of expense, jet lag and movie-overload on that hour, 11,mile fuel-guzzling flight? It's testimony to New Zealand's enduring appeal that so many of us still choose to make the trek down to the Land of the Long White Cloud — particularly in the midst of a recession. In the past many of us were drawn here to visit relatives, but now we're just as likely to go for solid holiday reasons: The living proof of this is Mary, my eightysomething mother and travelling companion, who had long nursed a desire to visit the country on the grounds that we had family there. Yet when I came to arrange the itinerary, she was so keen to see as many amazing things as possible that poor old auntie Jackie and assorted fruits still hanging on the family tree got unceremoniously dropped because they would take up too much valuable time.

And if you're reading this, hey, sorry That's why we're in Napier my callhaving had an indulgent sojourn nosing round the Bay of Islands Mary's choice in the Northland region of North Island.

Before that we had halted in on Samoa, and on the way back we'll have a skyscraping spendfest in Future Kong. I have been a different member on cdate in New Islamabad in the last three principles and have met a broker number of sex-starved and selling girls.

With its Cotswolds-pretty mission buildings, Maori heritage sites and hassocks adorned with whales and kiwis, this scenic honeypot provides a soft, welcoming and refreshingly Lord of the Rings-free initiation into the gripping adventure story that is New Zealand. Before that we had dropped in on Samoa, and on the way back we'll have a skyscraping spendfest in Hong Kong. Given that Air New Zealand flies round the world it seemed mad not to take up the circumnavigatory option and, let's face it, once you've decided to boing yourself off to the other side of the world, you're locked into trip-of-a-lifetime, we'd-better-buy-another-memory-card, territory. Thank goodness, then, that it's all so worth it — although, as we explore Napier, I do have a niggling worry.

It seems churlish to mention it, but what are the chances an earthquake might strike again? A computer screen gives continuous reports on how New Zealand is "rumbling all the time". The rebuilding of Napier didn't just introduce a new architectural style — it gave its residents a revitalised sense of character too — what one survivor called "an extra soul". Walk down Marine Parade today, with its splendid avenue of Norfolk pines that most art deco of treesbright splodges of municipal busy lizzies, and the lovely pink and white Soundshell Stage, and you could be in an Antipodean Eastbourne — with the exception that many Kiwis seem regrettably uninterested in dress codes be prepared for cargo shorts and adventure sandals in the smartest restaurants.

As with another famously earthquake-prone city — San Francisco — there is a sense here that life ought be enjoyed to the full thanks to the special permission bestowed by a past tragedy. Essentials Getting there Air New Zealand ; airnewzealand. Where to stay The best options are the centrally located, Edwardian-era County Hotel 00 64 6 ; countyhotel. For swish self-catering, the Dome 00 64 6 ; thedome. Try the Helm Crag 00 64 6 ; helmcrag. What to do See artdeconapier. Sending just a pure "wanna fuck? Pervers guys are not cool. NZ Women want to date guys who will treat them with compassion.

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